ALL GUNS BLAZING

I"M BACK.

HOW YOU FUCKING DOING!!

The last post here at AA was on 6th sept 2017. Lot of changes have happened since then and boy is my head spinning.

I have finally left the third world socialist rotten land of my birth we today call India and moved out, it’s not to the west yet but somewhere in between, I don’t know why but I have a weird anxiety about disclosing my location as of yet.

Life has become easy but too much still needs to be sorted out. Scratch that — Life still is pretty sucky in a way, but hey I’m comparing myself to my myself from yesterday and not with who someone is today.

Let’s focus on the sucky things at first.

• I’m not fucking. 
• I make way more money now but I’m not handling it well at all. 
• My artistic plans like this blog, YT and maybe working on book all have taken a back seat due to my over demanding job. 
• The fucking job — NO NO I don’t hate it and this is not some chick flick about “quitting the 9 to 5 and eat, pray and fuck” no. I feel all good and fucking great to have this demanding job, even when it seems that all I am doing is studying 24/7 a day. I should almost have to admit how lucky one has to be to get a job like this and hey studying cutting edge information security tech . .(in whisper voice ok maybe not so fucking cutting edggyyy) but when I’m engrossed into it, time flies by, right now my new client location thing just is a fucking pain. 
• NO FUCKING DRUGS — Maybe this is giving you an idea of where I am, fucking police state zero tolerance towards drugs going on here. No chance of weed, forget LSD. Hookers are the new drug for now I guess. 
• Passive income or whatever the fucking new term is these days . . “digital nomad” . .yeah fuck you pretentious motherfucker. This is important. And again this is not to downplay 9 to 5 jobs or anything but maybe this is about my personality type and I need to get this part of my handled to make sure I do my share of body building, girls, traveling, charity in that order yes.

ALLL FUCKINGGG GUNS BLLLLLAZZZZZING!!

Is that giving you enough emphasis on how psyched up I am about blogging again.

Seems there’s enough ignorance, miserable lives, backward ideologies, men with 6 month pregnant bellies, young-dumb-broke “sapiosexual” validation seeking tinder cunts, Indian virgin prime minister’s supporters, socialism sympathisers out there to shame and bully and a publication like this is now more important than everrr.

Western civilization needs me more than ever now. Jordan Peterson and Animus empire need all the help they can fucking gett.

It’s FUCKING ON.

Betaistan — How Hinduism Feminized Indian Men

In the information age we only hear about how patriarchy is a massive social problem. Amplified by the power of the internet in the form of "outrage". Step on a woman's toe in a crowded public bus in Mumbai and the next moment the bitch is on Facebook telling everyone how the "evil patriarchy" won't even let her get to her paper shuffling HR "career" in peace. Never mind the fact that BEST buses now have upto 8 adult seats reserved for these cunts, who never miss a chance to have a seat, just tap the old man's (her father's age) shoulder and point to the saaree clad (outrageous?) graphic on the side of the seat with her index finger. Then Facebook: "Empowerment:1 | Patriarchy:0."

This post is an attempt to explain India's lack of individual freedoms, a precursor to others like economic freedom in terms of gender dynamics which shaped the psychologies of it's men and by extension it's culture.

Let's begin with the diet, India has always been blessed with abundant farming land which I now think was also a sort of curse. The farming land very soon created a society based on grain consumption and animal husbandry which rightly evolved into other vegetarian values, because killing the very animals who were so productive in the field and otherwise would not have served the people well. The Hindu religion created this system of values—which is what religions do, they cement the beneficial behaviors of society by claiming some superior authority to them as per the times.

We even see the after effects till today, a PM elected to reform the economy and break India free of socialism got busy banning cow meat thus minimizing the already scarce individual freedom.

These Hindu behaviors and values then spread to other sects and tribes eventually. In Maharashtra and probably other states, there are up to 3 days a week when the Marathis are not to eat meat.

Vegetarian diets have been linked to a decrease in testosterone, an important male hormone responsible for masculine behaviors like emotional resilience, aggression, physical strength, body fat handling etc. This probably had an adverse effect on the cognitive capabilities as well. Slower brain development is a fact of protein deficient diets. The IQ of the Indian public is said to be around 83 on average, which is extremely low and probably explains a lot of irrational behavior Indians exhibit on an whole.

As already discussed before on Men building civilizations, societies only grow when it's Men push the boundaries to find answers and gain power, the Indian males simply couldn't do a good job at this, given their lack of aggression (because of the veg diet and the resulting Hindu value system) men have always called upon to push the boundaries of economic, political, intellectual and military thought.

All curiosity and intellectualism vanished as well.  For e.g. The sea which could have been a great mystery to be figured out and conquered became a god never to be "walked upon". Questioning one's own elders, even the village elders, the king became a big taboo, a blind respect to the authority became the norm. No wonder then that the country never escaped grinding poverty. Intellectual capital was never allowed to accumulate in such an environment of obedience.

Eventually even mothers took on the roles of an authoritative figure — even today it's a common sight to see adult men (mostly Hindu males) scared to marry against their mother's choice, much to the chagrin of their empowered partners who write to equally empowered agony aunts. This earned the Indian male the title of "mama's boys" internationally.

Masculinity was eventually brought down to a level of "service to society". A Man's biggest responsibility became to immediately get married upon coming of age and start a family to add more slaves to the system. This too is a common sight today. The number of Hindu men ruined by the weight of a family at 25 is almost tragic, of course in pop culture it is comical. Most choices of career, life partner and even their residence post marriage is already decided by the parental units. Some even dutifully handover the salaries to their fathers every month.

Easy to understand why men of such dispensation were not able to withstand or defend their societies to repeated foreign conquests. In fact as Will Durant notes, they rationalized it away as problems of another dimension.

The Hindus had allowed their strength to be wasted in internal division and war; they had adopted religions like Buddhism and Jainism, which unnerved them for the tasks of life; they had failed to organize their forces for the protection of their frontiers and their capitals, their wealth and their freedom, from the hordes of Scythians, Huns, Afghans and Turks hovering about India’s boundaries and waiting for national weakness to let them in. For four hundred years (600-1000 A.D.) India invited conquest; and at last it came. This is the secret of the political history of modern India. Weakened by division, it succumbed to invaders; impoverished by invaders, it lost all power of resistance, and took refuge in supernatural consolations; it argued that both mastery and slavery were superficial delusions, and concluded that freedom of the body or the nation was hardly worth defending in so brief a life. The bitter lesson that may be drawn from this tragedy is that eternal vigilance is the price of civilization. A nation must love peace, but keep its powder dry.”

Also easy to explain why Indian society never figured out or tasted the spirit of individualism. Or of freedom for that matter. No man dared to declare himself an end unto himself but defined himself as a means for society to be used as it pleases.

Generations of such poor diet choices mostly dominated by rice and dairy led to values and genetic changes, Indian men are extremely prone to fat gain and respond very poorly to muscle building programs.

But the biggest price was paid in terms of freedom, our male ancestors never questioned the conventional wisdom of the day, critical thinking and rational thought was suppressed to keep the powers happy, in fact rational thought till today has not entered the Indian psyche. Such a people only feel safe among "their own", this tribal affiliation is visible in how people vote even today.

In other words the diet and the resulting value system led to the feminization of men. As we see today, women around the world are more prone to be left leaning liberals and vote for leftist policies as against the policies which promote free markets, because a free market system requires a level of aggression and individualism which is a distinctly male characteristic unless it's driven out of them by cultural values and reinforced by vegan diets. Women in Sweden for e.g. are increasingly putting their entire societies in danger by embracing leftist values.

Something similar has been happening India all along for thousands of years. The feminization of men due to factors as discussed above created and environment in which only left leaning political ideologies took root, then in terms of kings and today in terms of modern democracies.

Relationship Goals

This is from a meme on fb or twitter or whatsapp etc. The meme generally has drop dead gorgeous heterogenous people—obviously dating, sometimes they add a baby into the mix and the whole thing will just blow your fucking heart out.

I mean only if you can look 28, have a six pack, a giant house in which there’s a giant bed i which your significant other (SO) is with or without the 1yr old, and you can still tell your SO’s boobs from her belly fat, well who wouldn’t fucking want that!

The only believable part in the whole meme is the cuteness of the 1yr old.

Now being 26 I am at the age where I having left behind by third world birth place I soon would be able to finally own a house, a huge bed and all that. It is the rest of the meme I am so worried about.

For e.g. the 1yr old protesting against the 1% at the age of 20 is a real nightmare even now when I am just 6+ the 20. How will I cope with it when it indeed happens.

And let’s talk about the vending machine which will bring the little rat into the world. It seems my focus on finding the highly educated of the breed won’t get me far anyway (always read reddit comments and not just the post). They just remain vapid, which just means even higher chances of the 20 yr old following karan johar on her Iphone while being anti-capitalist.

But at the same time the relationship goals meme conveys a message that the two beautiful people have been together since ever and love mastubate to nothing but only one another, how do you deal with that?

I in no certain terms want to let go of a chance to “drill a teen” as pornhub puts it just because I have a certain someone back at home, but of course I am not far enough on the left to actually consent her to an open marriage, which translates to “i’ve fucked 100s while he’s just fucked 2-3”, no no I’m too aware of “you can’t out slut a slut”.

So this leaves me with the only option which has always been the only option for anyone in my situation. That you arrange a different woman for each of your different goals.

There’s nothing to say that you must just have a single “relationship goal” once you are 25 and have read most of the list (excuse me if the list doesn’t exist yet). Your goal with a nerdy one might as well be to have a 1yr old who she will read Ayn Rand to and Indira Gandhi has the basis of a “strong woman”, while on the side your goal with a different one might be to slap her and shove something into her mouth, which she pretends to hate but actually loves.

And since you have already covered the two extemes of slapping a dick into one’s mouth and having the other read Ayn Rand, there’s lot of room in between where you just visit someone after work and work some more on her.

By now this article is sexist, misogynist, immoral, amoral and worth firing the dude if it’s ever found out who is the mastermind behind it, but at the same time it’s just a scared little boy looking out for himself, I hope you understand that part. A scared little boy who’s not had much success shoving pipe like things into female mouths now just just betting on his new found ability ($X a month) to do so while at the same time trying to meet the family goals of the shy boy.

A Pang of Nostalgia and Apprehension

Chateau writes:

Don’t be surprised if a pang of nostalgia and apprehension arrests you. The future of your nation and your people is dying before your eyes in a swirl of solipsism and baby substitutes.

I am a big fan of his writing style. And I do feel a pang of nosta lgia and apprehension on looking at this pic. I have always loved kids, the innocence, the cooing, the smiles and the wet kisses. There’s hardly anything to not love.

But his complaint that the future of white people and America is in danger because now we have a psychotic ideology pushing women towards cubicles and boardrooms instead of cradles and breatfeeding seems headed in a wrong direction.

Obviously the pic on the right is not enough to make a judgement on the lady but keeping line with the context I’d say that if hyper liberal women swallowing the feminist dogma choose to fill their life with cats instead of babies that’s probably a good sign for the country and the world.

I don’t know what the complaint exactly is about. He daily dismantles the left liberal’s shitlibs and their anti white and anti america rhetoric and then goes to complain about the very women not having enough white babies. That’s just asking for more democrat voters.

The idea that all women should have babies is equivalent to the meme that “everyone should vote”. That is obviously a very bad idea. That would have been a good thing if every voter was a thomas sowell fan and reader. And that is never going to be a case. We already have a culture of eternal victimhood and virtue signalling in the name of the poor, women or minorities. By making sure everyone votes, most people will only fall back to voting left.

Having Children

A second line of argument to make is to ask if everyone is even fit to have kids and wants to?

It is true that children are amazing to be around and there’s a lot about them to love, but that simply does not mean everyone should go for it or that everyone should want to.

The thing with nostalgia is that the idea of the past, the good old days, always elicits an emotional response in human beings. Probably because of the simple fact that we cannot go back to it. That is no argument to claim that the past was better than the present.

And wanting kids is a even bigger question everyone needs to ask as soon as possible. Whether you replace that with cats or career is not point. In fact it would be tragic is one were to blindly follow down the parenthood road just for sake of their people and country.

Atypical Facial Pain

That’s what they are calling it for now. Changes often.

For a long time the doctors thought of it to be Tringeminal Neuralgia. But now my third doctor, a pain management specialist has settled for Atypical Facial Pain. I was referred to him by a neurologist or a neurophysician I guess. That was my second doctor. The first doctor who I had gone to was I think a neurosurgeon. That one was a fucking whacko now that I think about it.

Makes me laugh when I see a doctor who is supposed to know a lot of health and the human body has a face like he’s been drinking and hasn’t slept. He had a tired look all the time and spoke like a drunk too. And horrible fucking talking manners, I think they are called bedside manners in doctor speak. This fucker showed no fucking sympathy to a patient who he himself diagnosed to be suffering from the world’s “worst pain”, the suicide disease.

Within two meetings he came up with a 4,00,000 rupee ($6000) radio frequency procedure for me to kill the nerves. Granted that it is probably one of those gold standard treatment options, but one would think he’ll do some more due diligence. And above all as I said, the fucker spoke in a way which hardly convinced me that he has my best interest at heart.

And anyway who does something worth $6000 without first spending some more $100s to get a second opinion.

Like this I ended up with Mr pain specialist. This guy at least seems he cares. I am aware that’s no substitute for expertise, but what the hell. You really want someone to fucking listen to what you are saying when it’s something like this happening to you. And the doc has or had a blog, not updated for a while though. But someone who writes and feels compelled to write, to me is a sign of deep thought and something genuinely sincere deep down in the person.

The Pain

There’s an entire history here now. But I think going deep diving into that doesn’t add much to the present situation. The point here and now is to share this with anyone else who might come googling the ether for something like this I am going through.

The pain initially was a nerve “tightness”, like a button sort of thing 1cm from my nose boundary on the left side of my face. I used to press that location in and massage it to feel “relief”, which doesn’t mean the pain would stop but it just soothed the tight block like feel I had.

Just like during a sore throat you keep grunting in your throat or use losenges or warm water which doesn’t stop it but soothes it for the time till you keep doing whatever you were to produce the soothing feeling.

Goes without saying this is awkward, the pain starts in any situation, at work or anywhere and you have to sit and press the nerve with your fingers and people see you doing it. Not to mention the twitch like movements you have to do with your mouth sometimes just to “hit” the “pain spot” in the nerves.

People understand sore throat but atypical nerver pain?. .Trigeminal Neuralgia? Not so much. I think it’s just best to explain it as dental nerve pain to people when they “catch” you doing that “weird” thing to soothe the pain.

The Pain Block Injection

The good pain doctor gave me a pain block injection to the nerve 1cm from nose border on the left side of my face(the pain location as explained above). It felt like the pain was in that place for a long long time. It was probably this which made and the first doc call this TN. And it is probably the location where he wanted to get the expensive radiation hit done to kill the nerve. He was also of the opinion for some reason that the block injections won’t work. And then boom. This block injection worked. The pain it seems was gone from that near-the-nose nerve spot.

This was done some 3-4 weeks back. And I have not felt much of the tight block pain button feeling in the nerve spot next to the nose.

Phantom Tooth

I don’t remeber the timeline very well, but within 1-2 days I started feeling the pain in my molar gums on the left side. This is where my pain history comes in.

The second last molar on my upper left side was the very starting point of this whole ordeal. I would feel a pain in this molar for a long time, then a series of ill advises from the dentists began. Never skimp on dentists—or any healthcare professionals. They will cost you a lot more when they fuck up. And goes without saying—Your main doctor at every step should always be the internet.

The first was a lady dentist, she did an single tooth x-ray and found no problems. Then an OPG was done. Which started a whole new tangent in the story. It showed that a lot of my wisdom teeth remained “inside” in slanted position and would probably never make it out. She recommended I fix this part first, it took me 1-2 years to get that sorted out. A surgery was done to get all those crooked wisdom teeth out from the lower left side. There was one “inside” wisdom tooth in the upper left side, which was not taken out.

Then I came back to her for my intial upper molar pain for which I had come to her in the first place.

None of the xrays showed any problem with this tooth. And still the next step suggested was root canal! (These are the points when you should go to the internet) I am not sure how much of the blame relies on them. They obviously are not trained to think through such situations, being only a local dentist! And given how complex the human body is, it’s just next to impossible for one person to even remember and think through all the many possibilities. Read The Checklist Manifesto to understand how complex things can get.

The RC was done. Nothing achieved. The tightness like tooth pain was back. Still the doctor did not think in terms of complex problems like atypical facial pain or trigeminal nerves etc etc. Nothing. She was leaning on the option of extraction. Again here I should have gone to the internet, I did not.

If anything I think during the RC, she did some “cleaning out” of the nerves using a needle like the ones used to pin paper to the notice boards. I have a feeling it just further damaged something deep inside the tooth structure near the nerves as she was pushing it deeper!. .JESUS FUCK.

At this stage I was comtemplating taking the tooth out too. And since I was losing all trust in this lady dentist who I thought screwed up my RC, in all my fucked up wisdom I went to another local dentist. Only if I knew that these local doctors don’t really have any idea or skills in critical complex medical thinking. Their entire career is just sitting down and dealing with simple cases like pulling a few obviously rotten teeth and doing some RCs in much simpler cases where a simple xray tells you there’s a problem.

And it doesn’t help that poorly trained professionals have the same human ego as anybody. Both these nut cases did not refer me to a surgeon or a specialist. They just wanted to do it themselves! It’s easy to pin this on greed and say their motivation was only money, but as already mentioned, things are very very complex when dealing with the human body and doctors like most people simply miss some things.

With him I first did a surgery to take out my upper left “inside” wisdom tooth. The required surgery also cost me the last molar on the upper left side. Now the only thing left was the initial molar on which RC had already been performed.

The tightness gripping pain simply did not stop even now that all my crooked wisdom teeth were out. I made the decision to get this one pulled as well.

And lo and behold the pain did not stop even after that.

The Pain Now

Now we’re back to the point in time since the pain block injection.

I now think the pain was always in the same space in the gums where I had the early problems with the initial molar which started the whole thing. And the RC and the extraction probably just damaged some nerve further due to excessive attempt at “cleaning out” the nerves during the RC by the first dentist and the inital upward thrust the second dentist used right before he pulled the tooth outward.

This pain later spread out to the point to the left of the nose and I felt that’s the problem area. But now after the block I feel no actual tight button like nerve block in that location at all. What I now have is a small wound like pain in inside my gums where the very first initial problem molar was.

When I try to visualize the pain I feel it to be like a ball of wound like thing inside the gums just a little inside the surface. It reminds me of those pin like insertions the first dentist used to make to “clean out” the nerves during the RC. She would rub the pin to the side wall of my hollowed tooth and at times the pin would go a little too deep and hit the nerves in the top—and it is this pain sensation I feel now in a wound like form.

This definitely must have affected me psychologically. I cannot really pin point how and in what instances, but one case comes to mind is when I read up on psychological stamps, a concept in transactional analysis. In short it means that you keep a track of things happening to you  without any reaction and then one day you “cash” them in. Like in my eg the continous non-stop pain that I am going through, I use it to justify wasting time listening to music, watching the same tv shows again etc vs let’s say studying for my career certifications. It’s kind of an rationalization enabler.

Or perhaps I really just do it to get my mind of the pain. It is much easier to do so while watching breaking bad than with say studying checkpoint firewalls.

The Manali Edition — The Guide

I went around to Manali and Shimla with my family at the end of last year in dec.

Lots of thoughts about the trip. I did make some notes, this should be fun.

Since I plan to write this out in parts, let’s start with the guide+driver+ a cool guy who brought us lot of charas.

His name is Amar.

Amar works for some car owner guy in Delhi and my brother booked him for the Delhi to Manali drive and then the driving around in Manali itself. We had a hotel booking in the Vashist area. He picked us up at the delhi airport. The first look of him scared me, or let’s didn’t generate a lot of trust, it’s I think my natural paranoia of trusting people, least of bit drivers. It was a little hard to ascertain his muslim/hindu look from the face. His hair was medium length, not combed and hence all stayed in the downward direction and he spoke hindi with the delhi punjabi accent style.

As I got to know him he really became one of the highlights of the trip. On the delhi to manali overnight trip, on a break stop for some non veg amar offered me and brother his favourite of substances—charas. My brother actually had asked him for it before. He had became of an acquaintance with the guy by now. I had became more of a weed fan by now since I did not appreciate the cigarette mixing required with the charas. But what the hell, we smoke it up. My paranoia was still around by that time around 11PM. I had thoughts of what if he tries to rob us and here the only two men of fighting age are getting stone with him. Insanity.

Later in Manali this became a good ritual for nights at 10PM. Me, my elder brother and his wife would convene with Amar in the hotel open restaurant and light up. The view was splendid, but not visible because of the dark. The ambience was amazing, shivering cold and silent, with the mountains to our side and with dim orange lanterns above our heads, just enough light for amar to roll his professional slim but broad-at-the-end joints.

This open restaurant wasn’t a terrace but a long horizontal balcony connecting to the dinner area and the kitchen. There was a pool table outside the kitchen.

Charas was so acceptable here. Straight away it was on display how any kind of govt bans are just useless, no one gives a fuck about them when the culture has alread approved of the banned entity. People everywhere here smoked up all the time. And some were definitely shocked to see the lady with us smoking it up. Obviously the cold harsh reality of life here didn’t allow for feminism’s silly tantrums like they play out in our cities with modern technology around men who have fries and coke for dinner.

Amar had amazing viewpoints for someone who makes around 8k rupees or $120 monthly. Adding tips to that he said his final salary comes to 15-20k which is around $225. He sends some of it to his home in some village which in UP. Says he left the family home as a child and rarely visits. He has a philosophy of staying away from home so that he doesn’t get too attached, then maybe he won’t be able to leave and continue his work. And the little he has to offer them is from his work.

I couldn’t figure out if he enjoyed the work. He is always on the road, traveling between states on national highways or else taking people around locally at some tourist spot. From his finances his condition was obviously bad, he said he couldn’t save much. By the end of whole trip, after our last dinner when amar joined us at the table, the only time he did, in a quiet moment with my brother he shared something which really broke me inside when I later heard about it once we were back in mumbai.

Amar would always make excuses that he’s already eaten whenever we would offer him to join us for lunch or dinner. I took his word for it and never pestered him. I explained it away that he feels awkward probably because my parents are along that time. Then my brother told me once home that amar just tries to have only a single meal a day to save some money. This was after we just had blew over 1000 rupees or $20 at dinner that evening. My brother thought he probably came to terms with the extent of his poverty and felt like sharing this fact of his life.

I wasn’t yet able to wrap my head around the fact that he makes only 8k as official salary for the huge hours of driving on those dangerous roads. And on nights sans sleep. Uber drivers make a decent 40000 rupees by just driving 10-12 hours in the cities these days. This new detail of his life was really a lot and hit me hard inside.

This was a life of suffering. There was no doubt. He had alread decided on not getting married given his bleak financial condition. That was some really smart thinking and insight. There are just too of men in this country married too young with no financial prospects and struggling everyday with the weight of a wife and mostly a child just for some vague societal compulsion of being married by a certain age.

I previously mentioned about him having a really good worldview. His views on politics impressed me too. I took him for sort of a modi fan given his background of hanging around with hindu gurus and babas during his travels to the temples and the gurus there and such. Far from it. His views in fact matched with bill burr’s answer on the recent trump election. He told me straight out “doesn’t matter who is in power, it is you who puts the bread on your table”. While things are definitely more complex than that, too many liberals do not seem to understand the simple fact. That it’s YOU who in the end does things, not the govt or the politicians.

I think it’s just the long hours at the stearing wheel on single meal a day that does this to a man. It makes you confront reality in a way most liberals just don’t have to while they are out there with their mac books and coffee bumming off the free (probably) unsecure WIFI connection at most phoniest of outlests—starbucks.

Even as I write in the comforts of my middle class indian household bitching about the very uncomfortable chair I am sitting in, that guy is probably out there on some national highway negotiating dangerous fucking turns with a steep valley on the side and no barricades. He probably complaints too, it’s just that there’s no one to listen to it. And in all probablity he will never ever have anyone either.

The Day’s End

The day for me around 12AM.

That’s where I decide to call it quits for whatever it is i’m doing and going to sleep, trying to follow the wisdom of 8 hr sleep.

But for some reason my mind does not agree with me and starts playing games. One such game is “missing out on”. My mind gets into this listing mode where it wants to do more and accomplish more before going to bed. And obviously it’s already failed because like most mortals I can only do so much in a day.

I think somewhere in the back of my consciousnesss I am sad that I did not finish more of what I had planned to. And like everyone I plan a lot for a day.

Writing, running, watching my IT training videos, working on getting my career certifications and so on.

As the day starts it seems I waste a lot of it in between watching tv shows, on youtube and get very little done. The times we live our amazing but it’s strange that this one thing is become so central to it all. The laptop. I work on it, study on it, write this blog on it. And obviously my brain gives into the temptation to open and watch 1 youtube video or that one scene and the next thing you know it’s been 45mins and eyes so tired that you have go and take a break.

As the day keeps progressing you don’t get time to think of how much time you are wasting in the moment. After all who has ever questioned himself on time management in the middle of a youtube video?

But it is the day’s end when the mind has finally accepted that since it’s late there is no chance to play around but to only start>shut down. It this when suddenly it hits that nothing much was done today because the time was spent somewhere else. It this reckoning which brings sadness and anxiety.

The anxiety then asks questions. Why was that time wasted? What about that new job? Why didn’t you work on that certification instead of spending the time on a tv show? Why didn’t you go out and socialize instead of living through those perfect friendships from tv shows?

What will become of your life?